Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
