her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
