I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
