im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
