You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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