um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
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I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
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I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.