I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.