Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
The pigeons can smell the fear
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.