I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
