What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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