just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
