Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
