when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
