peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
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