I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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