There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
