I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
