just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
