i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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