Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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