apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
How many fucks given?
0.12846
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
