I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
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He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
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I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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