Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
