Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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