Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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