Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
