You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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