we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
