You're so nebulous sometimes
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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