you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
