I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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