did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
