my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
