it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
