Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
