TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
