Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize