all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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