I accidentally had phone sex last night
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
