question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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