Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
