the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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