We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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