I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
