After last night, I could never be a politician.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
