Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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