Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize