have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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