We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
