4 words: hood of his car
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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