I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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