garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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