Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
