Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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