Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
