I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
