I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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