this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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