so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
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She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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