Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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