Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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